Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
