Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
