i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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