The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish there were birth control emojis
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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