Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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