In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
this is an emotional support booty call
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
