this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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