sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
