Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
