I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
