What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
