i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
