Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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