dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
