you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
