I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
