I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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