Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
