I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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