I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
