Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
