my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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