Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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