We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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