So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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