I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
