Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
