first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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