Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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