Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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