he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
