How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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