After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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