So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
