Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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