I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
