I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
