Don't make out with my wife yet
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
