there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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