Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
