Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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