According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
