I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
