If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
