So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There are leaves in my underwear?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
