I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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