i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
