I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
