Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
