Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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