Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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