I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
