But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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