the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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