awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
