I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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