it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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