just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
