So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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