what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
