I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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