she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
