new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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