just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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