i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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