You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
