i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i've created a new STD.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
