YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
